How To Deal With Teenagers? How To Talk To a Teen. How To Make a Teen Understand.
Posted: Saturday, July 01, 2006
by Kathleen Lieu
http://nummyz.com
Congratulations, you are a parent and your child is now a full grown adolescent/teen/monster. What are you to do when the only words from both your mouths are yelled out and your teen slams her/his door in your face. Or he/she ignores you. Tells you to be quiet or even Shut up. Or the classic, "No one understands me!" or "I hate you." or "Leave me alone!"
I am an older sister at home and have just recently phased out of my rebellious teenage years. I remember the tears shed with my mother and wondering if I'm even my father's daughter. These days, now that I'm an adult, I still feel like a kid at home. Why? Because mothers will always be worrisome and naggy and fathers are... just fathers.
How can you deal with your teen? Here are some tips:
1) Do not invade their privacy and read their diary. If you must, make sure he/she never finds out. Their diaries may have traps-- my own diary had strands of hair on certain pages so when they were gone, I knew someone had opened my diary.
2) Respect him/her. If you expect him/her to respect you, show him/her respect so you play the part of a role model.
3) Accept the fact that their friends and their life outside matters more to them than life at home. No matter how much you slave for them, how much time you spent on dinner or breakfast, at the office with a bitch-ass boss-- your teen will always think of him/herself first and his/her friends, popularity, dating, and the latest gadgets, doo-das they want you to buy for them.
4) Don't yell. The more you yell, the more they yell back. If they ignore you, you can try to ignore them.
5) If all else fails and you are a mother, and your teen is out of control, have a sob-session. Cry in front of him/her. Explain to him/her your feelings and why you are worried. If you have a daughter, she might cry along with you.
6) Do not resort to violence. I am sick of seeing parents slapping around their children-- from three year olds to 18, 19, 20. Sickening.
7) Sit down and have a talk with him/her. Remember, there are always two sides or more to a story. Maybe you are the one at fault. Your teen may not be as stupid and immature as you may think. (though studies have shown people do not fully develop their brain to make wise decisions until after the age of 24)
8) Be involved but don't pry. Don't spoil him/her. Don't give in to far-fetched demands. Teach, show, and be patient.
Good luck! Hopefully, your teen won't grow into an adult who sends you to a nursing home and doesn't visit you unless you are near death. Or doesn't even call you on Mothers'/Father's Day. Or would rather go on vacation with his/her own family than spend one day at your home... Wait a second-- are you treating your own aged parents the same way? What comes around, goes around, my friend... Shameful... you and you expect your child to give a nut about you? Your monster is only a reflection of yourself.
Filial piety-- a thing of the past? That's for another article.
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More commentsI have a 15 year old daughter who lives full time with her dad and step mom, she has been coming to see me every other weekend, she told me this friday that she does not want to come and see me anymore, that her life is where she lives with her dad and her friends, how do i go about getting her to change her mind and still want to come on the weekends?Tam
This was helpful. I knew I wasn't crazy. U described to the letter what is happening but u gave explanations. I appreciate the information. Also, from ur list I find myself doing and understanding everything except the last one. I have spoiled him terribly and he does make far-fetched demands of me. Wanting to make him happy I usually do whatever it takes to get him what he wants. As unhealthy as this is, I am aware it. I know what spoiling a child will do to them, their character and their personality yet I continue to do it without regard. Loving my only child as much as I say I love my almost 17 year old, I need to do him a favor and stop the spoiling. He has been my biggest concern for a lot of years and he should be in this too. He deserves to be a well-rounded MAN and only I can do that. Thanks for the eye opener!!
I have a teen at home and I find myself yelling at him. Not all the time, not even most of the time, or even half the time, but when I do, it can turn into more yelling fast. I know I shouldn't and I know I'm just teaching him to yell at his kids when he has them. I do make sure I apologize after I do it because I don't want him to think I don't love him. Thank you for the info you gave us about alternatives instead of yelling. I'm gonna try it and see how it works.
thanks this is really killing me.. i miss my sweet boy soo much, i realize he's not just my little boy anymore but can't help but wanting to make him smile more. i don't read any private journals already but i may be making him feel inadequate i'll work on that. i just wish he would actually talk! by the way i live 1/2 mile from my mom&dad they would live with me not a nursing home if it ever came to that!
Everyone in the comments who are replying negatively seems awfully biased by their parental perspective. Honestly, I think you are just too absorbed into your own way of thinking to take into consideration that your teen is not the one in the wrong. In the end, kids learn from parents, so to the one who mentioned that their kid is abusive, I'm sure he wouldn't have become that way without something that you and/or his father did. And although poster doesn't have a degree, she is currently studying psychology, and that's more knowledge than a lot of you have in that respect, which means that you should have no right to tell her that she can't give advice. If you're telling her she has no right to try and better inform others, then you don't have the right to determine whether or not she does. So please, grow up and realize that in pretty much every situation involving your kid's "problems", all of you parents are likely partially responsible. In fact, I feel sorry that your kid probably has a less-than-ideal personality because you chose to raise him/her without fully knowing how to. If they are unable to have healthy relationships in their lifetimes, it'd be very shameful to be the cause of it. Parents should not take on the responsibility of having children if they haven't the abilities to teach them properly.
Tank you for makeing me a better father
Thanks for the article,it was interesting to read.
I'd like some advice on what I can do with my teenager who now likes to TRY and check my emails,texts,till receipts etc.
She also likes to follow me wherever I go even if it is to my friend across the road (less than 2 mins away and she can see me from the living room window) and has even taken to unlocking the toilet door from the outside if I take what is considered too long in her eyes.
No privacy whatsoever.
I have not been on a night out in goodness knows how many years and currently feel a prisoner in my own home.
Oh and I spoke to the doctor's even though I have no problems with my other children and look after over 300 able and disabled children within a school setting apparently I can not cope with my children.
Does anyone have any advice on how I could deal with this situation?
Good advice, but should not the teenager know there is authority? there are laws to be obeyed? a parent is the first authority a teen should undestand, then comes schoool, community and goverment etc. How do you bring up a teen to undestand that?
Good advice, but should not the teenager know there is authority? there are laws to be obeyed? a parent is the first authority a teen should undestand, then comes schoool, community and goverment etc. How do you bring up a teen to undestand that?
i think the best way to deal with children is to not shout at them when they have done something wrong. instead, you could make them understand that this is wrong and hopefully they would get better.
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